a struggle

The last couple of days have been a struggle. The hill seems steeper and I feel I am not going to make it up. 

I have had the beginning of another flare up. It seems to be every time I come of the steroids it happens but unfortunately not this bad. Perhaps I did not come off them slow enough. I have come to the point I would love my old life back before ra. No pain when I wake up, no morning stiffness, no joints becoming locked or deformed. Maybe I should work in an old persons home, I would largely sympathise with them. Yes love I know what it's like not to be able to get from a to b quickly. 

I don't know how I am going to get out of this viscious circle. I never know how to cope or think logically when I have a flare up, it completely throws me each time. I feel that my thoughts and feelings do not make me a good Christian sometimes. I feel alot of people have expectations of me to keep a painted smile on my face because I have many good qualities in my life, and I have Jesus, but people do not understand how RA can drag you down, how it can limit you to many things and how you miss out on many things in life because of it.